I feel a sweet drowsy sadness. The kind that wants a hug but also space for thoughtfulness.
I said goodbye to my therapist today. Perhaps not forever, but for now. We were in agreement that I had taken a lot in over a relatively short period and that I was integrating it into my life.
We talked a bit about the changes we saw in me. He told me I was a beautiful human and I expressed my appreciation for him. Then we watched hummingbirds through the window and talked about them and the branches and the flowers. Somehow this seemed like a perfect ending—a metaphor for how we were together: quiet, wise, observant, sensitive, soulful.
I know this is the right thing for me but it’s never easy to say goodbye. The kid in me is saying that I need to cling to him; he believes that the therapist fills his emptiness. The kid is too young to realize that he was but a loving guide who helped me do it myself. Oh yes, the kid is having an anxious cry now. He’s afraid. He’ll be okay—I’ll tend to him.
All grief deserves time and sweetness even if life doesn’t always allow for it. I think of all the clients, therapists and friends and lovers I have said goodbye to over my life and my heart expands. Unfortunately this is all the time I have to grieve today. Responsibility calls and I need to set the grief aside for a while.