I miss you already. There are so many things I wish I could share with you that can no longer be shared.
Today we said goodbye in a beautifully soulful way. There was so much love, gratitude, appreciation and compassion. We ended things without our egos getting in the way. I’m really proud of that. Of you. Of me. Of us. We didn’t get to have that breakup seven years ago. And maybe on some level that’s why we did this: so we could say goodbye in a way that is consistent with the love we hold for one another. It was poetic that we both reached out at the same time to say goodbye.
I guess what I really want you to know is that I love the person you are. And I love that I got to be with this version of you if only for a short time. It never occurred to me until today that despite leading vastly different lives, we are both lonely and passionate souls that often don’t know what to do with or where to put that passion. You pour it into your daughter and patients and I pour it into my friendships and patients, but there is still an excess that we swallow and hold tightly within ourselves. It means the world to me that we got to pour it into one another for the time that we did. What I will remember most is your gaze. I hope I can call upon it when I need to remember what love can look like.
I wanted this letter to be so much more than it is but the tears keep coming and the grief is making me sleepy. I’m so sad, X. I know you are too. Goodbye, love. Maybe I’ll see you in another seven years…